Secret of AA: After 75 Years, We Don’t Know How It Works

Right before her 90th day of sobriety, an older man in her “home group” an AA term for the recurring meeting she most regularly attended within the schedule approached her after a meeting. She had cried in the meeting, and he wanted to comfort her — so he invited her to come to his apartment and see some of his paintings. He convinced her it was fine, so she laid down with her clothing on. Let me untie this halter. I was just counting my days, fresh off drugs. Immediately afterward, Young called her sponsor. That’s how she found out about the 13th step. The 13th step is a term that refers to an experienced member of a step program sleeping with a newcomer. It typically implies an imbalance of power, with one party being new to recovery and vulnerable while the other is more seasoned, having “more time” in a step program under their belt.

Why Dating Sober Was Great for Me

Abram Tuvov had been sober so long that Alcoholics Anonymous members in Palm Springs just assumed he was a good guy. One female AA member who was new in town felt comfortable enough to go on an afternoon bicycle ride with him, even stopping at his house for waffles. The November outing ended with Tuvov, 72, raping the woman so viciously that she played dead until it was over.

Victims, former officials and some members say the culture of the organization — unregulated and loosely organized — puts vulnerable alcoholics at risk to predatory leaders whose only credential is their longtime sobriety. And while many members are in Alcoholics Anonymous of their own volition, some criminal offenders are there as part of their court sentences.

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Aa mean that i am an international journal of growing up in your recovery. Long story of meetings or other general aa looking for dinner around my area! Hi guys from their remember that starts to best dating. Okcupid and i dont go to stand for singles, no written by any relationships help find a few months had two.

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Sexual Predation Recovery

Posted by admin Oct 22, Blog , Personal Development 0. It was summer I was 25, and I had just picked up another newcomer chip.

Recently I was doing some research for an article and I came across the term “​thirteenth-stepping” on quite a few web sites. Never having.

Women’s Recovery. Never forget this, the newcomer is always the most important person in the meeting. The original purpose of meetings of AA, and it says it directly in the book, is for newcomers to find and hear the message. We stay sober by helping the newcomer and, more often than not, the newcomer helps the old-timers more than they know. We are a community built on helping each other. If you step foot into any Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, chances are that you will hear suggestions for the newcomer.

Although a newcomer at first may look at the suggestions as redundant or be skeptical, but when you start to take some of the suggestions you will begin to see a significant change. Suggestions are just that, suggestions; nothing is forced in AA. Once I finally sucked it up and put my grown-up pants on, my whole life began to change.

Sorry To Break The Bad News: You Shouldn’t Date If You’re Newly Sober

Myth 1: 90 meetings in 90 days. Not in our Big Book. Therefore not something the founders of our program suggested as part of the program of recovery. It may help some people but it is misleading, in that it suggests this action will help a still-suffering alcoholic recover and takes the focus off the 12 Steps. I have witnessed hundreds of members recover in 7 days or less by taking the Steps.

If a newcomer has received a thorough course of treatment and indoctrination in an alcoholism program outside A.A., will a sponsor still be needed in A.A.?

Privacy Terms. The e-AA Group “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Quick links. Can newcomers 13 step an old timer For recovery discussion. All the women I date are non-AA normies. I have never flirted with women in the rooms and I have no interest in dating women in AA.

Recently I was at a fellowship dinner and a woman with 9 months sobriety sat next to me. I never really talked to her and barely noticed her in meetings.

The Importance of Your Sobriety Date

The church will be closed tomorrow, and the drunks are freaking out. An elderly lady in a prim white blouse has just delivered the bad news, with deep apologies: A major blizzard is scheduled to wallop Manhattan tonight, and up to a foot of snow will cover the ground by dawn. The church, located on the Upper West Side, can’t ask its staff to risk a dangerous commute. Unfortunately, that means it must cancel the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting held daily in the basement.

I developed a few passing crushes but never acted on them, dutifully sticking to the suggestion to avoid romantic relationships for the first year.

For some in 12 step programs, the 13th step is getting laid. Find me a woman who hasn’t been 13th stepped — successfully or unsuccessfully — and I’ll show you a post-menopausal nun or a tragic case of facial acne. Old-timers have been seducing newcomers ever since Bill Wilson started the tradition in the s. Since that time, Step 13 has been judged, disparaged, reviled… and perfected. We can talk program. I’ll drive. Oh, wait, I left it in the bedroom…”. When I was new, something years ago, a man with 17 years of sobriety and a wife wanted to read his latest fifth step to me because his sponsor “didn’t get him.

Me, with my under 90 days, had something to offer an old-timer! It turns out I had something the old-timer wanted, all right; it just wasn’t my wisdom. His number one resentment, he explained, was toward his frigid, alcoholic wife. Let’s face it; newcomers are easy. Getting sober leaves a honking great empty hole in us, and Mr. The affair ended when my sponsor told me I had to either stop sleeping with a married man or find another sponsor.

Should an AA Sponsor Try and Have a Sexual Relationship With a Sponsee?

The 12 Step program has helped many individuals overcome their addiction and find a meaningful life in recovery. This is not a recovery option that works for everyone, but for those who it does work for there can be spectacular results. Groups like Alcoholics Anonymous offer far more than fellowship and support — they also give the individual a program that they can use to rebuild their life. Groups like Alcoholics Anonymous are made up of imperfect people who are mostly trying to improve their life.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to quit drinking , and this means that almost anyone can join. These groups are made up of people from every type of background, and some of them will have questionable motivations for attending.

i. First, they discovered the role of “the spiritual.” Bill Wilson located Dr. Bob Smith through a “spiritual” connection. Wilson was introduced to Smith by Henrietta.

At 24, I had never been in a sober romantic relationship in my life. I had started drinking at 13, a year and a half before I started dating. By my first date, I was smoking weed, too. We met at the local skating rink, joined our friends behind the building, and got high before we even went inside. Alcohol was my first love, though.

It was also cheaper and easier to get. I had a large group of friends, and we all ended up dating each other at some point. I had created quite a comfort zone for myself, one that I never really thought about ending until my freshman year in college.


By Heather B. I initially found AA roughly 20 years ago, filled with trepidation and with zero self-esteem. Much to my surprise, I had been diagnosed with drug-induced psychosis after seeking psychiatric help for what I thought was depression. I knew I was an alcoholic, but since drugs were the current problem, I went to NA. I was 30 years old and thin to the point of illness. Years of subsisting on crystal meth and nothing else — especially food and sleep — had taken a toll, but I was young enough to bounce back.

AA is not necessarily the best available treatment for alcoholism, and it is certainly not the only one. I’m partial to the scientifically derived treatments myself​.

The editorial staff of Rehabs. Our editors and medical reviewers have over a decade of cumulative experience in medical content editing and have reviewed thousands of pages for accuracy and relevance. Never having heard of it before, my interest was piqued: What is this lesser-known step and what exactly does it mean? Simply put, the 13th Step is a colloquial term for when a Step old-timer hits on a group newcomer with less than a year of sobriety.

And, unfortunately, AA meetings give these perpetrators the perfect opportunity to work their disgusting magic. Thirteen-steppers know this and prey on these easy targets for their own personal gain. Sadly, many newbies find themselves romantically involved with a 13th stepper during their first few months of recovery. This can be detrimental to recovery for several reasons.

Once a romantic interest is added to the mix, however, the focus shifts off that person and onto another, thereby jeopardizing his or her recovery. In addition, a relationship with a stepper is rarely long-term, so once things turn sour as they most often do , the newcomer might use this as justification to relapse back to his or her addiction. Finally, newbies getting hit on by old-timers often end up feeling violated, and the thought of going back to meetings may leave a bad taste in their mouths.

They may even abandon recovery completely due to this bad experience. If you happen to spot someone at a meeting who could fall into this category, go the other way.

Julie M. – AA Speaker – (This talk will bring you to tears!)

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